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more baby #2

more baby #2

February 15, 2009March 26, 2016 stefanieboyce

Well…here we are at 16 weeks! I am starting to feel the baby move and am finally looking pregnant instead of just fat! I am 18 weeks and counting down the ultrasound! So far, I am doing well!

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Things continue to shift, Jayden, while others stay the same. The clock in your room, still ticking-the heartbeat of your room. The windows still signed in yellow window chalk with messages from Ellie, “I love JJ.” 23 months have passed but your smell still lingers. I don’t go in your room as often, but as I was leaving your room last night, tears still falling, I relived the moments your Dad carried you out one final time. It cut me open to stand in that moment. It’s feels like forever ago. It’s feels like today. Grief can’t quite be explained by time. Love can’t either. I check FB every morning for memories- one year ago, today. Two years, ago, today, 4 years ago, today. I see your smiling face, your hands- dribbling, your body- changing. Can grief be explained by time? Can love? Fall always brings me back to you, J. To my chickadees, my 1803 cider mill candle-the one I lit everyday in your room as you were passing-one that would serve as a reminder of that sacred time. Halloween marks the first signs that your time was coming to a close here on earth. Costume themes from 3 to 1. And in a few moments, we will enter the same gym to celebrate your cousin’s birthday. Another year has passed. Another year for her, begins. We will laugh. Ellie will play. And we will celebrate. But we will also hold a heaviness because you are no longer dribbling there like you were in the video we’ve been replaying today. And B in the back? Sweet B. Grief can be explained by time, just not fully. Love can too, dimly. With every death, there is rebirth. Something new always follows. Shifts are bound to happen. It all has to. Life is completely different and vacantly the same. 🏀 #23monthscloser #monthscloser #onedaycloser #jbthankful
See you all tonight!
See you bright and early!
See you soon!
Pain/grief/suffering/tragedy-whatever best describes whetever it is you are being shaped by these days-has a way of slowing us down if we pay attention to its invitation. I have found over the last 3 years, an invitation to slow down. Sometimes in my schedule, most often in my spirit. Almost more than anything in the world, I want to be a rested woman. I want to take deep breath‘s before I speak, I want to move with a sense of calm, I want to know who I am, and love the world with no expectations. All of that comes from cultivating a relationship with Christ. And that, above all, requires pace. New rhythms, living the questions, letting Truth hold the frame for mystery, making margins of silence, scheduling time to be alone, cultivating mindfulness, and humbling yourself as a student. A rested woman takes time. And pace. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. So grab the cup of water, walk a few steps, and take a deep breath. And if you need a little help getting there- because it’s not always easy to slow down, you have a few opportunities this week. You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, we weren’t meant to. Thursday gentle flow 9:30 AM and 6:30 PM. Friday morning 9:30 AM YogaFaith Gentle Flow. Saturday morning 7:30 AM Intro to Yin. Sunday night 6:30 PM YogaFaith Gentle Flow. The class schedule can always be found at theinnersanctuary.us Always honored to hold the space for you to be with God, mind + body + spirit. Also, save the date for Saturday, October 19. We will be doing a three hour workshop of journaling sharing and yoga practice. Spend the afternoon deepening your awareness of God in yourself. $45 or 3 punches for card holders. DM me to reserve your spot of for more information.
But CrossFit is ON! I am going to the 6am class, who’s with me?? If you’ve never tried it and don’t wanna go alone, come with me and check it out. You won’t be the only newbie....Promise!!!
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