another day…

Another day of a new normal.
I feel like the “excitment” around our family is fading. I knew that it would. That’s OK. I went back and looked at some of my blogs. I honestly think I don’t remember writing some of them.

Want to hear some honest stuff?
I am scrambling. Scrambling to find order in this chaos. Something to grasp. Something that will order my life. I feel God telling me to seek Him. The prayers, encouragement, and Scripture- cards and e-mails that were sustaining me are fading and I have to pick up the pieces of my emotions and carry them more and more.
I was prepared. I knew this was coming. The momentum of the crisis is gone (survival mode) and now I am left to organize the pieces. I relate it to hurricane katrina. We all watched non-stop….and then, because we don’t live there, we turned the tv off. Too painful to watch everyday. Problem is I can’t turn it off. This is my life.

Don’t get me wrong….I know there are huge amounts of people praying, and walking with us. People that signed up for the long haul! I love you guys so much! God provides exactly what we need at exactly the right moment. He knew that I needed a huge outpour in the beginning….like gasoline on a fire….
but to get a good fire….it is low and hot. So, right now, as the number of people changes….the few burn deeper for us.

I guess that’s selfish, huh? Me me me!

So here is my plan…I want to give back. I have not even done thank yous but I think about them every day. Starting tomorrow, I am gonna pick a card/e-mail/blog comment and pray for the person who wrote it.

When I was little I sat on Santa’s lap (or the weird guy at the mall) and he said, “what do you want for Christmas?” My mom says that I said, “nothing. it’s better to give than receive.”

Matthew 10:39 (The Message)

Jesus says-
38-39″If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.

Psalm 139 (The Message)
A David Psalm
1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can’t take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

6 thoughts on “another day…

  1. Justin and Stefanie,

    Dean and I have been in constant prayer for you. Our hearts still ache for you. We are pretty horrible at letting people know how much we care:) We cannot imagine what you are going through, but your blog helps us understand a small amount of what you are feeling. We are always always here for you. In any way. Practical everyday ways. One thing we walked away from the birthday party with was how Beautiful Jaydn and Brooklyn are! A blessing! We love you all!


  2. i honestly could be there everyday but i don't want to bother you guys… know without a doubt i am praying for you everyday before my feet hit the floor each morning i love you jill


  3. Stef, You can ALWAYS lean on me and you know you can lean on the family! I am always praying for you guys and thinking of you constantly. I want to help and when you guys are down, I'm down. Let me know what you need. I love you!


  4. You guys owe me a trip with the kids down in the city. Shedd, zoo, Science & Industry (my favorite)…start planning to come on a Saturday or Sunday. My treat with food and some gifts for the kids 🙂


  5. Stef, I love u! I am here for the long haul even though I'm an hour a way! It's really hard for me cause I find myself wanting to do so much but doing so little cause of the distance .. I love u Stef and think of u non stop!


  6. Stef, Thank you for your honesty. I will continue to walk with you and pray for you…I cherish and treasure our time together…that you still think of things to ask me about and pray for. I love you and wish I could help you more, give you more…(just not toys for the kids right?) I love you so much!!! Praying for you to find peace today amidst your scramble!!!


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