a low point in the journey

Heaven better be what God promises. Because I am starting to think this world kinda sucks.
Jayden has a double ear infection and must have had a stomach bug. Brooklyn is on her third double ear infection, and I was hosiptalized for the ‘stomach bug” and am still under the weather. I am not even healthy enought to take care of my sick kids. I am starting to get a bit bitter and defeated. Let me tell you….I want more than anything to not feel this way and will fight it…but it is the little things that now feel so big and it just seems like it hasn’t stopped since October. I try to remain positive, realistic, but really?! As soon as I feel up for air, I get dunked. I definately think it borders on depressed. I know that I am just going to have to do so soul searching. But, I am tired and trust me, God knows it. It is so hard to do God’s will when you can’t seem to hear what is true and are discouraged in even asking when it appears He sends mixed messages or is just silent. I am trying to wrestle with this. I believe in God. No Question. But a loving God? This doesn’t feel like love to me.

4 thoughts on “a low point in the journey

  1. So sorry to hear that you've arrived here. Don't want to be cliche, but man, have I been there. Yes, I only have one sweet kiddo with MPS, not two; but rock bottom, yep, done that. More than once. You will make it through! God is good, just hard for us to see His plan. Doesn't make any sense to me, but then again, my mind is limited. Very limited. Though we've never met, my heart aches for you so much. Praying for you all.

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  2. Stef, I love you guys so much, and I am so sad for you. I hate that you guys are being hit so hard, each and every time I hear something new that has happened to you guys, I grieve. I continue to pray for you all every day, and I know that God will not waste your pain. At this point I am guessing that only Job can truely understand and relate your family. It is so hard to find that silver lining when you are surrounded by coal. I will pray that you will have some kind of silver in your life right now and that Jesus would take some of these burdens and pains upon himself and not leave them for you to carry even just a little. We are willing to help out in any way that you need, I know that praying is huge, but sometimes it seems like that isn't enough. Sitting back I see true pain and suffering, and I am a “fixer” and I know that there isn't anything that I can say or do to “fix” your situation. I would if I could, you know that. But, I can love you through it, pray you through it, and be there for all of the inbetween. Love ya Stef, please let me know if there is any way that I can help you, I am more than willing, I WANT to!

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  3. Oh Stef. My heart breaks for you guys. I keep wrestling with the same questions you are asking God about. I cried yesterday and today at work when talking about you guys. I can't wrap my head around it either but we HAVE to trust God. We don't have anything to hold onto except that. I pray several times a day that God will bring some joy into your lives. I know it says that God won't give you more than you can handle but I know you are at your breaking point saying, “Ok God…this is it for us…no more please.” Please please know that you guys are always and forever will be, a part of my prayer life. I love you beyond words and am here for you in anyway that you need. PLEASE let me know what we can do for you. Head up young person. God will get you through this…and so will we!!!

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  4. Stefanie, my heart breaks for you…I don't have words, and I certainly don't understand. I can only pray that the God of all comfort makes himself known to you in a very real way…knowing what your needs are right now…I am so so so sorry that you have to bear this burden and I wish I could carry it for you…even for a little while to give you a break…I love you so much!!!

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