Today we went to Brayden’s 5th birthday party. Brayden is 10 weeks younger than Jayden, and they have been friends since they were born. It was a beautiful day and wonderful outdoor party, with tractor rides, train rides, yummy food and a play set.
I will be honest, it was hard to be there, seeing all of the boys Jayden’s age running and playing together, while Jayden played with us on the play set. He didn’t care. He would watch the boys then go back to playing with us, but it broke my heart. Parents stood around and lightly supervised their kids while they chatted about how as their children they get physically easier to take care of….while we tried to smile as we went up and down the play set with our kids. Our lives are just different. Not even bad. It was just a sad reminder of what Jayden can’t do, but a happy reminder that we are happy being different.
Sometimes, I wish I could walk into situations like that with that confidence I feel inside. Proud of my children, not sad or wishing they were “normal”. I LOVE them JUST the way God made them, but selfishly, I wish they were a part of this world. I wish I could show people that the little things don’t matter, and kill them with kindness. I want them to think when I leave, wow. God shines so bright. I want to love my kids with the freedom they do. I want what she’s got inside. But, honestly, I mostly freeze. I become quiet and don’t want to talk in fear of what dumb thing they may ask or say—or what I may say back. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to you…and that’s ok.
God bless Kristen. She totally gets how we feel but didn’t want to leave us out….which would have been worse to not be invited. It just is what it is and I am not going to pretend it isn’t hard. Thank you, Brandts for including us and always making us feel welcome and loved. We love Brayden, and were so happy to share in his day!