I feel like life is going by too fast.
Like it is a car going 10 mph and I am frantically running behind it trying to get it. I say 10, cause it is always right in front of me…like a minute too late, or a few steps ahead. No matter the progress I make to catch up or get ahead….it is always a few moments in front of me. So, what would it look like to “catch up”? Funny. I guess it starts with priorities. I read this blog entry off of pinterest about this lady that seemingly had it all together, only to find out it was a dream. (read story here ) But, I really want to be that put together. The more clean and organized I am, the calmer I feel and also more productive. It is something I want and to a degree, need to feel sane. Type A is in my blood (ironically, I am A positive). However, my current season of life is not conducive to type A at all.
Take this morning for example. On my schedule, I have written down, “devotions”. I have good intentions for Jut and I to say connected to the Lord daily, and in the morning it is especially important to start the day right. We want to be examples to our kids and keep one another encouraged. Instead, our devotional time was spent frantically cleaning poop off the stairs while Elliotte cried and Brooklyn through a temper tantrum(Jayden pooped in his diaper, then decided to bounce his rear end down each and every carpeted stair leaving a poop trail). I chuckle how sometimes, God chooses to put us in the game, so to speak, instead of us spending time just reading about how to play.
It has been a journey having children and letting go of my desire to be put together and simply survive. I feel like for every child I have I get heavier. It is like adding them in the wagon I am pulling as I race behind this car called life. What a word picture, huh? Me running and the kids in a wagon, frantically trying to catch a car? Anyway, the weirdest part to me is the new desire to stop running. This may not make sense…but the car is full of my to do list, things I have to get done like paperwork, thank yous, laundry, finishing the new house, selling the old house….all my commitments.
Yet, I am like a dog…..squirrel!
I get distracted and just want to sit around, drink my coffee, and kiss my baby. I want to enjoy the moments with the kiddos. I want to take a nap. I want to…dare I say it, be selfish and lazy in some moments. I want to have a photo shoot with Ellie, or pin stuff on pinterest. But in the same breath, I LOVE crossing off the to do list. I can’t even sit still when I have the moments to do so.
So there is tension. I see sweet Elliotte crying in the swing wanting to be held. Do I pick her up or fold a basket of laundry first? I want to do both. I just remember with Jayden and Brooklyn, especially Jayden, always choosing the laundry first. I think that is normal for baby #1. But baby number #3….I pick her up and the laundry waits. It just goes by too fast, this growing up thing. I keep telling Jut I will have Elliotte in a moby wrap until she is 16-God willing! The older I get, the faster it seems, or the slower I move…
All that to say I am torn. So I have given myself permission to not care. I will do what I what when I want and not stress about the small stuff. I will hold loosely to my to do list and typed, excel, daily, hour by hour schedule hanging on my door. Laundry will always be here, my kids may not. Priorities, right?
Speaking of which….I still have blogs from March to write….