A dreamer…

I am a dreamer. A creative thinker. I think I always have 5 projects or hair brain ideas floating through my head. A few current thoughts?  What is the future, if any, for Build with the Boyces? Should we turn it into a non-profit?  Could I open a pinterest, industrial shabby chic store? I want a barn-a big one. So we could hold weddings and events, maybe a little shop during the week and church on Sundays.  I dream about owning a little rustic cabin in the woods on the water. A fixer upper for all my friends and family to enjoy. Somewhere a few hours from our house. I would own a ford, 1940’s beat up truck with would sides and drive to the flea market and pick up some finds for my little store, and the farmers market to get some fresh veggies.  I dream in decor.  I dream about the future.

I want to write a book but I doubt it would be a best seller. I already know what I would call it and what it would be about.

I want to change the world.

I know-I can’t sit still. Maybe it is a coping strategy.

But then, it comes. Doubt.  Isolation. Reality.
I don’t like that I dream.  I wish I could just stop.  I wish that I could think that my life is all that it is going to be. Especially stop dreaming big dreams that I know won’t come true. Fear of failure. No resources.  I just can’t seem to get any dreams off the ground. Whether it is lack of motivation, money, resources, or talent….all my dreams end up being just that…..dreams.  In fact, dreaming makes me a bit depressed. It is hard thinking of what could be, only to realize that it won’t be.

Funny-it doesn’t make me discontent in my current life-I love my family and friends and am grateful for all I have. It’s maybe more of a holy discontent-am I doing what I was born to do? I would think that if I am just called to be a wife and mother, and work part-time at a church, I would stop dreaming and feel  I am living out my purpose…right?

But I sense there is something more….

3 thoughts on “A dreamer…

  1. “Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.” – Langston Hughes

    Never, ever stop dreaming, Stefanie and be proud that you are a dreamer. We may never achieve all that we dream of, but think of all of the wonderful experiences we have and things that we learn while chasing those dreams. I truly believe that dreaming is life.

    Like

  2. Your last twos posts have hit home with me. I don't want to go into too much detail here in public forum, but when I first came across your fundraising efforts I immediately thought, Lord is that a possibility for me? I am a single mother of one with a strong desire to open my home to an orphan diagnosed with special needs. I advocate for these precious children and it breaks my heart that I don't have the resources to bring even just one child home, because we don't have the space. We too could benefit from on a home. I am a big dreamer, and I know that God places these thoughts on my heart for a reason. I trust that He also allowed me to see thus post for a reason too. Not sure why. I would love to get in touch with you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s