Confessions As I Anticipate Grief: part 2


Lately, I find myself having conversations I never imagined. Like the other day with Jayden and Brooklyn’s palliative nurse. Or the one I had with their sister, Ellie, on the floor of her bedroom.

I guess when two of your kids are labeled “terminally ill” these conversations are bound to happen. For those of you new to our story, we have 3 children, the two oldest, Jayden (10) and Brooklyn (7) have a rare and terminal disease, Sanfilippo Syndrome. Our youngest, Ellie (4) is does not.

This piece is part two of a series of blog posts entitled, Confessions as I Anticipate Grief.

WARNING: Friends in painful places, especially for my “me too mamas,” my Sanfilippo sisters. This is a difficult read. I wouldn’t have read it even a year ago. It just depends on where you are in your diagnosis. Just know it is here when you need it. But, I am 7 years in and this is our reality. A tough, gut wrenching, honest, reality. Sometimes it can be too much. But isn’t it all?

My intention is to share truth. Here’s what I promise if you choose to read. You will see me rise. Just like you are rising. We are not just surviving, but thriving in the midst. Death doesn’t win. We don’t drown. I am tired of trying to avoid the darkness, because light is so much brighter when we acknowledge how dark it is. Thank you for showing up in the meeting for a club you never wanted to join. Since we are all members, may these be our words.  Continue reading “Confessions As I Anticipate Grief: part 2”

Confessions as I anticipate grief: part 1

little dipper

Confessions as I Anticipate Grief is a series of posts I will be releasing on This is part one.


“If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

-Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms


Continue reading “Confessions as I anticipate grief: part 1”

Why vote?

A year ago, I would have thought seeing Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on TV together was an episode of Celebrity Apprentice, not the Presidential campaign. 

This is not a political rant post. For real. I am one of the many Americans that know little to nothing about politics. It overwhelms me.

In fact, Trump and Clinton are about the only things I do know. And neither one win my vote based on character. They’re politicians, for petes sake. “Moral politician” is an oxymoron. 

But I am a firm supporter of freedom, democracy, America, our right to vote, and our armed forces. I do not take the lives and sacrifice of many whom have gone before to give me, a woman, the right to vote, for granted.

And even though my vote may not matter in the grand scheme of things, I will not forego my right, even if it’s only to honor the freedom to vote.

I will never run for office, march in DC, or even fully grasp government or politics, but I need to support those who do.

Luckily, the presidency isn’t a dictatorship. There are other dishonest and slanted politicians representing all the personal agendas working together. I think….

So now what? Assuming I may not be the only confused one in America, what do we do? Where do we go to find unbiased information? 

Do we not vote because we are uninformed? Because we don’t really care or our vote doesn’t matter? Or because the system, the government, is broken? 

No. The answer isn’t to sit dumb and silenced. It isn’t to blindly vote, either.

The answer, the privilege: get edge-a-ma-kate-did. Educated.

But where?

Ladies, we’ve only had the right to vote since 1920. That’s only 96 years and it took our grandmas, great grandmas, sisters, aunts, and a whole lotta strong conviction in the hearts of women over a century of advocacy and suffering to get you and I the right to vote. 

We may never run for office, march in DC, or even fully grasp government or politics, but we need to show up to the polls, educated to support those who do or we have no right to complain.  

The great news is we still have time. Let’s learn what we believe by educating ourselves and vote. 

Why Christians Need to Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason”: A Guest Feature by Christine Suhan


Ever been told “everything happens for a reason?” I have. People tell me that, and God never gives you more than you can handle, every day. So when I stumbled on this article on FAITH IT, I knew I needed to reach out to Christine and see if I could repost it here for you because it’s a MUST READ. She has an amazing story and I highly suggest spending some time checking her out!

Thanks Christine!

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Continue reading “Why Christians Need to Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason”: A Guest Feature by Christine Suhan”

A little reminder


Some days, we just need a reminder, don’t we?

You are the daughter of the Most High. Jesus adores you. He’s crazy about you. He loves to hear you sing.

You do not serve anyone playing it small. Stop shrinking. Stop doubting yourself and the idea God has given you. You have an audience of One to please so the size of your platform doesn’t matter. Believe the words He’s laying on your heart. Your Father wants good things for you.

He wants to partner with you. He wants to make something beautiful with you. Something that lasts, something bigger than you ever thought possible.

When you start walking towards whatever it is that God is whispering you towards, a funny thing happens. You give others around you permission to do the same. You give your sisters and brothers, your sons and daughters, your husbands and boyfriends, permission to do the same.

Listen, I know you can’t. I know it’s scary. It has to be or it would be on your own strength.

Now knock it off and show up. You know your next step. It’s small, but mighty. He will do the rest, in His time. Your job is to be present. That’s it. Really, that’s it. Just do the next right thing.

Leap, sister.
The world needs you.

From funerals to foster care: A guest feature by Betsy Bicket


Bryan and Betsy are the type of people that should get their plan A. They follow all the rules. They look like and smell like Jesus. Always have, always will. Betsy’s the kind of woman that asked me once if she could just come learn from and be with my kids. Bryan’s the kind of guy that woke up at 2 AM one morning and sent Justin an email just to let him know he was praying for him. They are the type of people who ask how you are doing and really want to know your answer. They aren’t trying to be good, they just are good. It’s as challenging as it is refreshing. 

So when everything changed in their journey, I couldn’t help but watch. How would the they handle life when it stopped going according to plan? How would they handle grief and loss? The answer shouldn’t surprise you-they handled it with Grace and Truth. God took a most dangerous tool, pain, to refine them, deepen them, and shape them more into His image. They were, and continue to be, honest, vulnerable, and unwavering in their faith.

I am so honored Betsy sat down to share her journey with us today.

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Continue reading “From funerals to foster care: A guest feature by Betsy Bicket”

God’s Perfect Timing and Transracial Adoption: A Guest Feature by Sarah Alm

We met the Alms years ago while both serving in youth ministry. Sarah and her husband, Jason, were on the junior high team, and Justin and I were on the high school team. After years of arm twisting and a lot of things out of my control, to my joy, they joined the high school team. Sarah is always up for anything, the crazier the better. I will never forget Summer of 89, our freshman retreat, when she played “buck-buck.” I don’t think I ever laughed harder than that day. She has been there to catch my tears, to offer a listening ear, and she shows up, which is a big deal to me. She is the girl I get into the most trouble with, and maybe am the most myself with. She just has a way of bringing out the best in others. In fact, we affectionally call her Switzerland because she is everyone’s friend.
Sweet Sarah wrote this blog post for me back in August and for some reason, to which I have no idea until now, I haven’t posted it. But I guess it is perfect timing.

Continue reading “God’s Perfect Timing and Transracial Adoption: A Guest Feature by Sarah Alm”

How to foster-to-adopt 3 kids in one day and still keep your sanity: A Guest Feature from Kathrina Montondo

Hello, Boyce Lane readers!

I am so glad you stopped by today because I get the honor of introducing you to my dear friend, Kathrina. Kat and I have a lot in common. We love us some Marshall’s, we were born type A, and we would admit we have to work at motherhood.  Which is why I adore her. She and her husband are first responders to pain and mess. They relentlessly pursue people with their love, and are teaching their children to do the same. They are hilarious, generous, loud, fun, and really the life of any party.  And because of their dynamic, go-get ’em attitude, it is no surprise that they are navigating “none to done” so well!

I am forever grateful for Kathrina’s friendship. It is an honor to be a part of her journey going from type A to plan B.

Continue reading “How to foster-to-adopt 3 kids in one day and still keep your sanity: A Guest Feature from Kathrina Montondo”

how to navigate pain

I just feel sad today.
My heart is a little bit heavier.

He gets it.
Jesus knows what it’s like to anticipate the worst. 

The garden of Gethsemane is in some ways comforting to me. The fact He chose to feel pain gives Jesus street cred. in my book.  I mean, if Jesus would have died peacefully in His sleep, at 100, with His grandchildren singing His praises around him, I may hold a grudge about Sanfilippo.

Continue reading “how to navigate pain”

How to be comfortable in your own skin

Lately, I’ve been telling Ellie she’s smart, or beautiful, or such a big girl. And she always responds in the same way.

Even though she’s my third, I’m still new to a lot of parenting experiences.  Like potty training, conversations, negotiations, a twin bed, and underwear. I am new to experiencing typical brain development.

I am finally a member of the “I-can-post-things-my-kid-says-on-facebook club.” We call them, “Ellieisms.”

Continue reading “How to be comfortable in your own skin”