Field Notes from Pain: Part One

This is part one in a two-part series entitled: Field Notes from Pain

…..

“Darling, you feel heavy because you are too full of truth.
Open your mouth more.
Let the truth exist somewhere other than inside your body.”

-Della Hicks-Wilson-

…..

I feel “ick” today.
Heavy.

Maybe a bit sad, or tired, I am not sure which. Or hungry. Those three tend to blend together.

Jayden and Brooklyn are fine, not sleeping, but fine. As fine as two dying kids can be. In fact, most days, I fear they are doing a better job of living than me. Justin says I am too hard on myself. Perhaps. Ellie is great, too. Still asking a bunch of questions like most four-year olds do, and playing baby. Specifically, “a baby named Ellie who talks with her eyes. And crawls. And walks. And laughs. And giggles. And sleeps.”

Everyday. Continue reading “Field Notes from Pain: Part One”

Sept 11: 10 years twin towers and Katie run

I remember exactly where I was. I had just finished class at EIU, our teacher didn’t tell us (stinkin Stat’s teacher) and I walked into my friends house and the video of the plane and burning buildings was looped on the TV. I remember thinking it was a movie they rented. I feel so awful for the families of loved ones who lost someone that day. I am sad that there is such evil in the hearts of people.

Continue reading “Sept 11: 10 years twin towers and Katie run”