Field Notes from Pain: Part One

This is part one in a two-part series entitled: Field Notes from Pain

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“Darling, you feel heavy because you are too full of truth.
Open your mouth more.
Let the truth exist somewhere other than inside your body.”

-Della Hicks-Wilson-

…..

I feel “ick” today.
Heavy.

Maybe a bit sad, or tired, I am not sure which. Or hungry. Those three tend to blend together.

Jayden and Brooklyn are fine, not sleeping, but fine. As fine as two dying kids can be. In fact, most days, I fear they are doing a better job of living than me. Justin says I am too hard on myself. Perhaps. Ellie is great, too. Still asking a bunch of questions like most four-year olds do, and playing baby. Specifically, “a baby named Ellie who talks with her eyes. And crawls. And walks. And laughs. And giggles. And sleeps.”

Everyday. Continue reading “Field Notes from Pain: Part One”